"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter."

What if your chances are already gone
Started believing that I could be wrong
But you give me one good reason
To fight and never walk away.
Listening : No Boundaries by Kris Allen. ♥

I've tried so many times, put in so much effort trying to stay happy and put up a strong front. It's not easy to put up a pretence, pretending that i don't really mind everytime. Imagine you putting so much hope into believing and in the end everything falls apart in one night, in your face. I want to give up, but there's so much pulling me back, telling my heart not to. Even though i still do hold on to silly things, and the past, but like what you said, yesterday is history. I want my old happy self back. Funny huh, i've always been the one who acted like as if i don't care, and here i am ranting on and on about how much i'm going through. /laughs. I've got to face everything soon.

Mummy saw my post (as i was typing), and she kept on bugging me about what happened to me, etcetc. I got so upset and irritated, i pushed her away and tell her to not care about me, and to go away. Sorry mummy ): And she keeps on ranting on and on about how i hurt her feelings and etc. I felt so darn guilty lah, because of my own problems, because of my attitude, i hurt Mummy with my words unknowingly. Sigh. :/ These few days , i haven't been my usual self, and very touchy/cranky. (i.e. apt to take offense on slight provocation, dictionary meaning :x)

Trust, its such a fragile thing.
It takes months to build it up, yet a night to simply crush it.

Sigh, i just wish things aren't so complicated as it is now. I really miss my old self. I'm beginning to hate the new me so muchhhhhh. I get so affected easily and i'm oversensitive at times. I can't control my tears anymore, neither can i control my temper that easily anymore. Guess this is all part of life. /shrugs. I'm tired, both mentally and emotionally. Been crying so much lately, my eyes are swollen for the whole day today. Sigh. Puffy eyes. Sometimes i really wish i knew what you're thinking.

I know i've been a real mess these few days.
I know i'm a lousy girlfriend.
And i hadn't really been doing my part as one.
I know you've your own problems as much as i have, and yet i chose to worry you by not telling you anything. I know my behaviour do pisses you off at times.
I know sometimes i can get on your nerves too.
I'm sorry for everything i've done to hurt you.
I'm sorry for throwing my tantrums at you everytime i was upset.
I'm sorry for the way i've been acting these few days.
Thanks for the care you've shown me.
Thanks for the love you've given me.
Thanks for putting in the effort to ask how am i, despite me not willing to tell you much.
Thanks for everything that you've done for me.
I will keep the promises i made, like the way you kept the promises you made. Iloveyou (:

Peaceeeeeeeeeeeee , ^^v

Have been reading my past post(s) and was looking through all my folders. Realised how stupidly childish i was, lolz. (and still am) Hahahahaha, laughed out loud when looking through all the pictures, its seriously horrifying okayz O: LOL. I hope i do get mature sooooon, lmao :) Throughout everything, everything still gets back to square one, and my temper hasn't changed a single bit. Well, maybe except that it got worst somehow, heh. But despite all this and all those changes, i'm still the same old me deep down. Still learning and still growing up, just not the time to kick that habit of acting like a kid yet :)

I'm proud to say i love my three year old mentality. Most of us would just prolly just think at this age, if you're still acting like a kid, you're CHILDISH. Yeah, true, but who cares. Even if people do get irritated because i'm not acting my age, but i'm still in the middle of my childhood. Being a teen doesn't mean it should deprive you from doing things that you used to do, and behaved, as a kid :) Despite being a teenager, i still behave like a small kid at times. Who doesn't ? My age doesn't proves anything, it just proves how much i've grown. Being mature comes naturally, not something you can rush. I want to enjoy every single moment of my childhood while it lasts :)

Last but not least, i sincerely hope things would get better soon. I don't like doubts. worst still, i fucking hate being jealous.