The fake smile i plastered on my face is what you see on the surface.

Before judging, i suggest you think twice before commenting.
You have a brain for a purpose, use it.
I'm not being clingy here. I hate being that. There are still some things i can't put down right now. If you were in my shoes, with my nature, you would understand. On the surface, i'm absolutely fine. On the inside, i ain't feeling anywhere near better. What i'm going through right now, is something unimaginable. Get on my nerves, and i seriously can give you hell. I don't control my anger/temper very well. This is a wordy and really long post. Words can't even describe my emotions right now. Read it if you want. Don't want to? Up to you.

I CAN BE NICE IF I WANT TO. GIVE ME ATTITUDE, AND I WILL GIVE IT RIGHT BACK. I TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU TREAT ME.

Hi, this is for you. Yes you.
I don't care if i'm blunt in my words now, you made me do this. You changed completely. Thankyou for making a fool out of me. I've opened up my eyes and seen. Chance? I don't even see myself wanting that anymore. Knowing myself, it's impossible. You know where's your heart now. If you like someone, go for it. Or perhaps, you've already gotten her. I wouldn't even know. You're leading such a peaceful and happier life now. It's so clear to me. You claimed it isn't, but are you so sure about it? I don't think so. Everytime i see you, memories come back to me. Do you know how it's like to feel that way? I doubt you do. Forgotten and never want to remember.

Why bother about my feelings? I'm a nobody to you anymore. Oh wait, you probably don't even care. My words mean nothing to you. Afterall, now i know your term 'more than a friend' is treating one like a stranger. And she? Her words count more than mine now. You've given me a whole new look at what's in my heart now. Seriously, are you really treating me as a friend? Who are you kidding? A three year old kid? What exactly is your definition of a friend? I won't interfere in your life, you don't have to worry. You can do whatever you want with that life of yours, because, i'm already out of it. And i will stay out of it. I've already taken a step back. I did try to be nice to you, did you? I could already sense your unwillingness by your tone. If you have anything to say, please be straightforward.

We see each other, and it shows. I'm a stranger. Nothing more than that. What we had is gone.

If i found out, (like what others say) you've shown her the smses i sent you, you let her read my blog, i swear, i really will go right up to you and have a slap across your face.
And, I mean it so.
That would reflect a downright low-life creep if you've done that.

If you're going to go all, "you don't believe than okay lor. there's nothing i can do." on me, it doesn't work anymore fyi. I used to believe if i treat people nicely, they'll treat me back nicely as well. If i treated someone truly, with my whole heart, they would as well. But i guess, this is all a figment of my imagination. You'll never know how much of an emotional struggle i have to go through each time i see you. And you? Will just be happily laughing away elsewhere. Ours was a past, and it means nothing to you anymore. Or maybe it never did. I've seen how things have gone. It pretty much shows how much i actually meant to you.

Convincing me over and over again, and i believed. You don't even believe that i trusted you, so what's the point? It's obvious, doubts indeed will still gnaw at me. For me to truly trust a person wholeheartedly, it takes a really long time.

You're such a (_____).
You like to bring up things of the past, don't you?
I know i broke a promise, why condemn me to it?
You broke yours as well, and not just once.
You know what you've actually done to me.
We're quits now, we're even.
You want to bring up the past?
Sure, I have many more things to say then you do. Much much more.
I have my mistakes, so do you.

Why is it that i have to be the one who looks for you everytime? Why is it that you can't come and look for me? Why is that you can't even do something that small even for me? Have you realised, i'm always the one going to a certain place to look for you? Did you ever try coming to look for me? I asked myself, and the answer was obvious, no.

I guess i brought everything upon myself. For being so foolish, for being so gullible. Everything is just deja vu. It feels so nostalgic.

I used to believe, it takes two hands to clap. It's not one-sided. Being in a relationship, it doesn't mean one person put in effort and its enough. Actions speaks louder than words. A guy can just say he loves the girl anytime, but to prove it, it's never easy. A guy can just say the sweetest things to a girl, but does he mean it? Only he knows. The girl will just stupidly fall for it, because its what she want to hear.

Occasionally, i do wonder. Why is it that when a relationship fails, girls always take a longer time to let it go, and guys? They say they can't either, and the next moment, they already have someone else. It's contradicting to their own words, really. Whichever relationship i get into, i do put in the effort. I try to accomodate to what the other party wants, as much as i can, even to the extent that i can neglect my close ones. (Juanhui, you know this) But it never works out. Why? I'm always the one getting hurt, and never be able to heal myself. I know i'm being self-centered. But did you look back and think, you could have done many things. But you never bother trying. I often ask myself why it ended up the wrong way, reason ends up, both parties are at fault.

I thought i'm happy now, I'm fine now. I thought i've let you go. But i guess, all this time, i've just been suppressing my own emotions, bottling everything inside. It's not easy, not for me. I can't even find someone to really talk about all these. I don't confide about everything to a certain someone. I can't, and i don't understand myself either. This isn't the me i want to be.

Not forgiven, and not forgotten. I don't hate you, i just literally dislike you because of what you did. And it irks me when i see that particular scene i don't wish to even see.

Why can't things just stay simple?

Removing my archives soon, and i MIGHT unprivate my blog. Depending on my mood. HAHA, but most likely, not :)

Been very tired recently. Could be due to stress or something. Hafizah asked if i was very stressed this morning. LOL. Slept early still not enough sleep. I can't seem to pay attention in class, and i keep falling asleep every now and then. My eye rings are getting more and more obvious already, i look like a frigging panda now. Fag. :(

Yesterday at KFC was hilarious to the maxxxx. This childish guy from greenview. HAHAHA. I laughed my ass off. Some people don't even know the meaning of the word they use, yet they still use it. Lmaoz. Lazy to elaborate. Simply put, when his friends and him left, the guy turned and look at us. And guess what he did? He sticked out his tongue at us. I SWEAR I LAUGHED LIKE CRAZY. Childish to the max ~ And as usual, i ate my cheesefries, hahahahaha C:

6 tests coming up, and EOYS in two weeks. Gawd, i'm so dead x.x I haven't start on my revision, at all. :/ Might go missing from cyberworld for awhile, LOL. Miss me ! :)