My heart's in a bigbigbigbig mess. Damnit.

I don't like guessing, i don't like changes. I know i tend to jump to conclusions very often. That's why I'd rather people tell me things in the face. I'm so afraid of being wrong, i don't even know if what i'm doing is right. The moment things start going smoothly for me, i would still get wind up in my own delusional state. There's so much things i want to say, but i can't. I just can't. Because i know, the moment i do, things are bound to change. Things wouldn't be the same anymore, and i want things to stay the way it already is. No more changes, i've had enough. I don't think i need to go through another period like this, it's mental torture for me. I admit, i'm someone who can go rambling on and on about how much i hurt and stuff, i could do it somewhere else. Or, even better yet, i shall just bottle it up inside. It'd be a good thing.

ARGH. I HATE MYSELF. (inserts countless of words here)

Why can't things just be that simple?