I finally understood why everyone told me you weren't worth it. You go by looks, typical and superficial. I don't even know why I bothered in the first place. But its okay. I got over it, i got over you. Maybe what we had was my own wishful thinking. Nothing more. I finally found a reason to put you down. I'm glad its over. It was long over since 2 months ago.

Thanks Chris. Thanks Kevin. I needed that talk. A lot. We shall continue tomorrow.

Today was embarrassing.... Maximum, I swear. I broke down at Makan place, though my back was facing majority of the people who were there. And luckily for me, only Chris and Kevin witnessed it. It sucks. The feeling sucks. I didn't cry last night. I contained them. I held them back. I held the tears, anger, sadness everything back. I didn't know what to do but hold them back. I guess today was the breaking point after so long. Tears which had been contained for so long. And I doubt I actually let them all out. Sigh.

You don't even know. You don't know a single shit.

I swore never to let this side of me be seen in school ever again. But I broke the promise I made to myself. Ahhhh. :\

My essay's not even halfway done because of these emotional burdens. Wow.

To add on to all these, things at home aren't exactly good too..

Try having parents who always insult you like there's no end. Yeah, its probably nothing much to many, but it means a whole whooping lot to me. Because my parents' opinions are important to me. Because how others view me is important to me. Maybe that's why I'm always feeling insecure about myself. I hate feeling insecure. Always. Its not a good thing, I know. But what can I do? I can't even confide in anyone at home.

That's why at times I rather stay till late in school because I don't wanna face the insults I go through everyday. Its pointless. And do they honestly think insulting me will make me improve, will help me? It just frigging hurts me, like a knife stabbed through your heart. That excruciating pain. Because I've always tried to live up to their expectations of me. And I can't. I've disappointed myself time and again because I've failed to do so. They don't even know how much their words hurt me. Its been going on for three years. What now?

Yes, I'm not smart. I'm not talented. I'm not pretty. I'm not some scholar. I'm so damn fucking inferior. I don't fit in. I can't communicate with most people half the time I'm around them. I'm stupid. I'm fat. I'm ugly until no one wants. I'm not as good as your colleagues' daughter. I'm not as good as anyone else you know. I'm worse than average. I'm a wannabe. You wanna shoot anymore?

Yeah, my family situation isn't that bad. Others have had it worse. From many perspectives, I'm actually EXTREMELY lucky. But try being a girl with ultimate low self-esteem. These opinions can kill.

I need a break. Really need one. Can't wait till the week is over.