Hi. How's everyone doing?

I'm currently suffocated by the amount of work I have to do, so many things to do, so little time... July's one hell of a hectic month for me. All the packed deadlines, all the essays, projects and presentations. Now I'm really starting to wonder why am I even in my course... I'm not talented, I can't dance, I can't sing, I can't draw, I'm not good with languages and I'm not good with words. Feel damn inferior to my coursemates... So why the hell am I here? I don't know why, I really don't...

I used to love dance. It was the only thing that let me forget about unhappy things. It was the only thing that helped to build my confidence. And now, my confidence is slowly crumbling away bit by bit everyday. Eventually, how others look at me really matters a lot, still. Sigh. I wish I was more confident. I wish I didn't have to care, and just be myself. But this is how society is, often times you would only work towards to fitting in. Its as though, I pratically lived by the emotions of others.

And I'm tired. Extremely exhausted. Emotionally, physically and mentally. Every single part of me.

Today, a lot of things went through my mind the entire day. Every single shit I did, every single mistake I made, every single chance I missed. Everything came running back to me. Things I tried so hard to forget. Things I tried so hard to avoid. Why?

I've missed out on too many things, too many people. All the what-if(s), and all the what-could-have-been(s). Do you know how tiring it is, when you're already so worn out from all the fighting and struggling in your own heart? Yes, that's how I feel. I'm exhausted totally. I can't fight anymore.

I finally went home early today. The earliest since school started. And I actually like the feeling. Doesn't matter if I had to cramp in the train and bus and what not. I actually miss spending quality time with my family, even if its just for a little while. I miss times like these. ♥

And would you believe me if I told you, I'm not okay?